"This Just In..." 38

Looking back over my life, I see the quality I’ve valued most.

I’ve never been a person who holds grudges. When I was treated badly in some way, I didn’t let the incident fester in my mind.

There was no nobility underlying that response. It wasn’t a matter of “turn the other cheek” or “forgive and forget”. No, the individual simply lost my trust. I didn’t harbor any ill will or plan some sort of revenge. In fact, I never gave a thought to what the future held for the person.

It’s been four decades since someone tried to stiff me for some money I’d earned and I had to go and collect it. I haven’t seen him since then and our paths won’t cross again. But if they did, he would still be someone of whom I’d be wary. In my mind, at least, once trust is gone it can never be regained.

As a single parent abandoned by my children’s mother, I was easy prey for a woman who used her tale of woe to snare me into a relationship. Whether or not her feelings for me were genuine in the beginning, in short order my financial situation lay in ruins and she’d gone back to her supposedly abusive ex-husband.

It hurt, of course, but the need to stay the course with my daughter and son took precedence and I quickly moved on. If I met her today, I wouldn’t be open to discussing the matter at all. I couldn’t care less what she did afterward, and even trying making amends wouldn’t change the fact that, for me, trust can’t be rebuilt.

A landlord with whom I’d had great rapport attempted to hold back 80 per cent of my security deposit in violation of state law. Just like that, he became a person I could never trust.

I didn’t confront him but instead established a hearing date with Small Claims Court and had both him and his property manager served by deputies with summons to appear. Three days later, a check for the full amount due arrived in our mailbox.

Also, the house we were renting from him is just a few blocks away from our current home. I had occasion to meet his current tenants and offered my file of research and correspondence to them for use if he tries to cheat them as well.

More recently, a young military veteran shared the problems he was having finding work. A struggling single father, he had a lot of useful experience and even hopes of starting his own business. I’m very active online and was able to connect him with a home improvement contractor who was seeking reliable help. He stopped by to thank me and said that his life had been turned around.

I later enlisted the guy’s assistance for a labor-intensive yard project and then again to purchase, deliver, and help me install and anchor some fence posts. But on the second job, he kept coming up with reasons that he’d have to delay the work. He had asked to be paid in advance and said he’d need to rent a trailer. But my video camera showed him unloading the material from his SUV. Bags of instant concrete got soaked in a rainstorm and were rendered useless.

I finally told him I’d do the work myself because he’d violated my trust. There have been times since then that I could have recommended him for jobs, but that’s not going to happen.

Call it what you will – a quirk, a character flaw, or just an ingrained defense mechanism. I’ve become a person who initially grants others trust but still remains somewhat on guard and wary.